In case I forget.


Forever and ever, amen.
November 19, 2007, 10:16 pm
Filed under: Dr. Neuro B, Husband, Memory, Mental Health, RX, Seizure

That’s how long it feels! Not that I don’t think about you. I do. But I thoughtfully avoid you. On purpose. So. To catch up.

Yep – went and saw Dr. Neuro B lo so long ago. Husband went with. Dr. Neuro B wasn’t thrilled that I had quit the Topomax even though HE had told me it was OK TO DO IT (hello???). He put me on Zonegran. Said come back in six weeks. This was after we discussed “alternative” therapies. And I was pretty clear that I thought cutting open my brain is pretty much over kill at this point. The three of us agreed. Dr. Neuro A insisted that I do a sleep study because he thinks that lack of good sleep in contributing to the ongoing lack of total seizure control. I agreed to do that. WooHoo! Another drug!! Lucky girl, I am.

Sleep study! WooHoo! Glue a bunch of stuff to my head! I have long hair! Make me sleep in clothes! Now my goodness THAT was weird. Make me sleep on a bed with a plastic cover. Oh yeah this is a realistic study of how I sleep. Oh yeah. Results came back that I do not have apnea but that I have hypopnea. Apparently I don’t take deep breaths when I sleep and my oxygen level drops low. So I go back for another study. He wants me to start using a CPAP machine. Oh, this I can’t wait for. I sleep with my face smashed into a pillow. THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN BOYS AND GIRLS!!

I went back two weeks ago for the Zonegran follow up. Not much has changed. He doubled the dosage to 200mg a day. But this time he pretty much pissed me off. I felt like he put me in a box. I had my left ankle wrapped, I was using my cane, and I had a bunch of sores on my foot below the bandage. As he was walking out of the room he said something like “if you took better care of yourself you wouldn’t have that sort of ankle weakness and those lesions are a symptom that your diabetes is out of control”. Hey doc, why not just put me in a fucking big Box of Assumptions??? I told him, no, that actually my ankle is wrapped because I torn a ligament and that the sores on my foot are not lesions, that they are mosquito bites I got out in the woods with my husband using his telescope looking at a comet. He had nothing to say to that.

I think maybe he’s getting to the point where he isn’t happy with me as a patient. You know how some doctors get unhappy because they feel like a failure because nothing they’re doing is working? I wonder if that’s where this guy is. I’m thinking about looking into the epilepsy center over at Baylor. I’m supposed to go back to see Dr. Neuro B in another five weeks and I’ll take his temperature then.

It’s almost Thanksgiving. I’m going in two days to get my CPAP machine. It would be great if it helps. They say bad sleep makes depression worse, and makes seizures worse, and makes memory worse. Would not it be too cool if this would make all that better?

The Ritalin is pretty cool. I forget to take it most days but I try to remember to take it at least in the mornings. It helps with my energy obviously (hey – speed helps me have more energy – isn’t that amazing?) and I think it actually has helped with my depression. The sex? Hmm. Maybe a little bit.

The Husband and I are working together to make the whole “Dump on one another equally” thing work. We had a huge blow up fight a few weeks ago. We never fight. Turns out maybe we should. We said stuff that apparently we should have been saying for a long time. It comes down to¬† I don’t want to dump my stuff on him because he has so much crap already and he doesn’t want to dump on me because I have so much crap already. He’s afraid that if he dumps on me that I’m fall apart because I’m so “fragile” and I’m afraid that if I dump on him that he’ll just be pissed off at me at that makes me so scared. So we’re working on it. We had our 6th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago and it was awesome.

I had this thing with my back start about a year ago – this sharp horrible pain about 2/3 of the way down on the right. One specific place, doesn’t move, doesn’t hurt except when it hurts. I can be sitting here and it doesn’t hurt at all but then I can move or twist a tiny bit and damned it’s horrible stabbing horrible. When I went to Dr. PCP about it a year ago he gave me Soma and Vicodin and it helped ease it for a while. It’s never gone away but it’s never been that bad again. It’s come back and it’s bad again but not THAT bad. He wants me to do physical therapy and I’m going to go do my evaluation for that next week. Hope that can help some. I’ve been popping a Soma and night and a Vicodin in the morning. The Soma leaves me groggy in the morning. The Vicodin works great during the day but neither are the answer. I got the name and number of a theraputic masseuse from a friend and if the physical therapy doesn’t do the trick I’m just going to go with the massage. Can’t hurt, right? RIGHT?

I’ll try to be a better blogger. I promise.

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