In case I forget.


Humans can get used to anything.
August 18, 2006, 10:41 pm
Filed under: Fear, RX, Seizure

I was just updating my Toteboard over there on the left. Today was an 80% day. As a short desciptor I wrote “not a horrible day”.

My first thought was “it’s been worse before” but then I went back and read descriptors from 80% days a few weeks ago. I felt a lot worse before than I do today.

Now, that could be from a lot of things. What’s different between now and then?

First, I’m about five weeks away from Keppra. From abject terror, from losing my ability to think or reason or remember or function. That can only be good, right?

Next, I’m about five days into Lamictal. Again. I know that it takes weeks to get to a dosage that will hopefully have some kind of positive effect on my seizures, but. While I’m a techno-ludite, chemically I am an early adaptor. I get sick fast and I heal fast. I react quickly to medications. Since Lamictal has a slight seratonin action, I could just be experiencing a little bit of emotional Better Living Through Chemicals. That’s OK. I could use it.

Finally, it’s true that humans can get used to anything. We adjust to physical, mental, and emotional discomforts and deprivations pretty well considering what incredibly fragile creatures we are biologically. Sure, stress will kill us all and HEY I have a little recent experience with overwhelming stress. But I wonder if I’m just adjusting and that’s pretty sad and scary. THIS has become my “normal”???

I’m going to supper with a girlfriend tomorrow night, a close friend who knows why I burp like a drunk. We’re trying to decide where to go and I’m trying to think – what it big and won’t be crowded so we can sit away from other people?

Really, really, really, please. Don’t let this be my normal.

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